I’d like to think that I am so much better than this. I feel disappointed that I don’t have the same enthusiasm as before, and that I don’t feel as motivated as I used to be. There is no other word to describe it: it’s just… sad. I want to believe that I am better than this, but even believing for me is a chore. I am close to giving up on life. I am close to just accepting that this is my fate.
I used to dream big. I used to think that I can be anything, go anywhere, and be anyone I want to become. It looked impossible to everybody but myself. And now, it seems like I have the same thinking as those who never believed in me.
I am tired. I am tired of this life. I am tired of working just for money. I am tired of waiting for the perfect moment. I am tired of not being able to do what I want, when I see somebody else’s dreams unfold in front of them.
But this is the life that I chose. There is no one to blame, but me.