Lately I’ve been asking myself too many questions that I know I cannot answer. I know, I know, “everything happens for a reason,” yeah, I know that. And for so many years, I’ve held on to that belief that everything is going to be okay. But, these past few days, I think my grip to that belief is slowly getting loose. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but it’s just that, I feel like I am getting lost. I am starting to feel that something is missing, that something is wrong, that everything is just not right. I don’t know why. Or maybe I do. Maybe, I knew that this was going to happen, but I was too afraid to do something before it can even happen. But it’s here now. And I don’t know how I can overcome this feeling of emptiness and longing inside me. I don’t want to think that this is coming to an end. I am scared, because I have always wanted this, but I also know, that sometimes, the things that we want, are not the things that we need. If it is necessary for me to let it go, if it is the only way to be free from this despair, then maybe, I don’t have any choice. I know, I was made to believe that if it isn’t hard, then it isn’t worth it. But what if it’s too hard to handle? What if it’s so hard that I am already losing myself, and worse, losing my faith. I don’t even know how to trust anymore. I don’t even know why I am feeling this, and I just want it all to stop, because it’s causing me so much pain, that no immediate relief can be given. I don’t know. And really, I don’t want to know.
Oh God, please, I know, you’re listening. I know you’re there. Please, help me. I need You now, more than ever.