I was browsing through my previous pictures and started to notice something.
My smile has changed.
It must be because of this splinter I am wearing for my TMJ, which by the way, changed the structure of my face altogether (that, or I just gained so much weight these past few months). It’s been in my mouth for more than a year now and it really makes me smile differently. But then, I have realized that it’s not because of my splinter that I smile differently now. It’s because on how I looked at myself these past few months. Sad to say, I may have lost my sparkle.
I have been so insecure these past few weeks… okay, months now, comparing myself to other people, and thinking of what others have to say, etc. etc. It’s sickening, I know, because I used to not care what other has to say, or what others’ faces looked like. I literally just don’t give a dang. But now, I feel like I have to look good all the time, and not because for myself, but because I wanted people to tell me that I do, look good, which is very very wrong and just, annoying. It’s me, slowly becoming vain, silently. EW. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that I stopped liking myself. I stopped looking at myself the way I did before. I started to see myself as an “unpretty” lady. I stopped seeing my worth. And I knew, it has to stop. I have to stop comparing myself to someone I don’t even know. I just want it to stop. I don’t want to be insecure anymore. I don’t want to see myself ugly nor fat anymore. I just want to love myself again, regardless of how I looked like today. 😦
I am not like this. I am not. This is not who I am. I used to embrace myself for who I am and for who I am not. Why do I care about… UGH!