Get ready for this post. I will be doing a lot of ranting.
About two years ago, I was asking the Lord to help me let go and move on from a very painful relationship. Heck, I don’t even refer to it as a relationship because after everything I went through, all the stories I heard, I have realized it was all just one sided. I asked God to help me, to heal my brokenness and make me believe that I can love again. I asked Him to let me meet the one He has been preparing for me. And He did. This guy, has always been there, I just wasn’t looking. I knew that I liked him even before I’ve had my very first heartbreak, but I was just scared. I was scared to get hurt. But I wish I have been brave from the beginning, so I didn’t have to go through all the bad things. I am very very happy now. But, there’s one more thing: DISTANCE. You know how many people are in a long distance relationship? Probably about 1 out of 10. And only a few survive. Only the brave survives.
And right now, I am here again, laying on my bed, praying, hoping. You know the funny thing about true love is when you feel in your heart that it’s true, but then, you get hurt. Just like what they always say: love and pain come in package. But I am not hurt because we are fighting. No, I am not hurt because he did something bad or I did something bad. No, it’s not because of that. In my case, it’s this space between us. It’s not the space that we made because we always fight and we disagree. It’s literally space, that we both want to get rid of. And you know what? The only thing I can hold on to right now is faith. Faith, that no matter what happens, no matter how hard, everything is going to be alright because it’s him that I am fighting for. He’s worth it. And the best part here is, I am not fighting alone. I am fighting for and with him and Him.
I remember before saying “yes” to him, I asked a few of my friends who are in a long distance relationship. One of them said something that literally just got to me. She said, if she would have the opportunity to redo things, she wouldn’t have said “yes” to the guy, because it’s so hard. That made me think how hard it must really be, to be far away from that one person who makes your life worth living. But that’s it, isn’t it? Sometimes, we let ourselves be in such a hard circumstance because we believe that it’s all worth it; that the other person is worth it. And you know what, saying “yes” to this guy was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life, probably really the best. God knows, how much I love him, how much I am willing to sacrifice everything for him. And it sucks, because I can’t do anything in times like this, when I just want to embrace him and kiss him. I can’t. And I envy those who can, because they can. And I loathe those who have the opportunity to be with the one they love but take them for granted. You have all the time and the chances in the world, why waste it?
Being in different places, in different time zones, is fucking hard (sorry, for the bad word, did this to emphasize). You have to adjust and sacrifice and all that. But you know what, you can’t complain, you shouldn’t. This is the best gift that God has ever given me, and I can’t just let it go! Because I know that all of the pain will be worth it. I know, one day, everything will eventually fall into place. We will be together, atlast, this time, in the same country, having the same time zones. No more distance. No more crying each night. Just thanking God for having to hold him so close and being with him, always.
One day. Nothing worthy ever comes easy, right?