425+ Days of Faith

When you found someone you know you can love, you can’t let them get away. I have come to understood what it really is to love in a short span of time. People were surprised. I myself was surprised. I’ve had a couple of suitors in the past, but none of them were able to touch my heart inasmuch as he did. And he did it in an instant. But it scared the cocoon out of me. When he tried to tell me what he felt for me way back when I told myself I won’t open my heart to anyone yet, I felt frightened. Because I know that he is someone I can easily like, someone I can easily fall inlove with. So I had to back off, I had to distance myself away from him, not to mention the possible heartbreak it would cause me since we will be in a long distance relationship. I had all my fears. I had everything in my bag to reason out each time he would ask me, “why not?” But he didn’t give up on me and for a minute there I got terrified even more. Nobody saw me worth fighting and waiting for like that. I even told him to try to see other girls, which he did, but he didn’t find them worth fighting for. I don’t know what came to him to keep pursuing me, even though I told him that all I can give him is friendship.

That’s where this blog enters. He “stalked” my blog for a while then. He was the one who had been my frequent viewer and visitor, which probably was the result of my “I-don’t-want-any-distractions” days, deactivating my accounts from all possible social media websites, keeping only this and my twitter. When he saw my blog post, on how I felt totally confused and frightened and how important a face-to-face encounter for me was, he literally went out of his mind and went home just toΒ tryΒ it out. He literally crossed the oceans for me just to take the risk of asking me out again.

People might misunderstand. It’s not just then that I fell for him. I knew that I already like him when we became good friends during our freshman year. But I was in pain back then, so when I felt that I was actually feeling something for him, I ran away. Then he moved to the States and it just got more complicated. He continued to call me, and talk to me. When I went to the States in 2009, he kept calling me, and I must admit, our conversations that went on for hours were good ones. He was really nice to talk to and he just made me feel really… good. But when I went home, I met someone I thought I can love and who will love me, and went blind. But he was still there, he kept on making me feel like he’s not in a far away place. Then I had my heart broken and I kept myself from everyone else. There were some who I let in but I just wasn’t ready.

But he tried and he tried and he tried.

That’s what I love about him. He never gave up on me. He kept calling, tried talking to me and insisted on courting me. He just told me via chat that he loves me, which I thought was crazy. But I guess, it’s true, that when you love someone, you do things you don’t usually do, because you become so crazy that you don’t think about yourself anymore sometimes. And so I kept myself away but he kept following. Then little by little I realize how lucky I am to be meeting someone like him, who wouldn’t be afraid, even if I was. Then he let me meet his mother and his sister, which was a good thing, and at the same time terrifying. Because I was starting to let myself feel all my liking for him through them. But I kept shaking it out of me.

Until the very last day of my college life, I told my friend, that I knew I am ready to let myself love and be loved again. That was the very day that he came all the way from the mountain peak of a cold city to a very hot and sunny city of mine. In short, he travelled all the way from Alaska to Manila just to personally court me one last time (I just had to write the previous sentence, I thought it was… poetic). I felt even more scared, mostly of what others have to say. I was frightened of how people might react on it, on how they would tell me things. But then I was reminded how unimportant they thoughts were. What’s important is what I want, and what God wants for me. I stopped letting fear get to me and started love to come in. I held on to hope and trust again, and eventually, was able to let myself to love once again.

And he came exactly at the right time, at the right place. Exactly at the right moment.

Because that moment, I was certain, God told me that I am ready to love again. That I have put all the pieces back together. This time, it’s real. No more pressure, no more lies, just pure and genuine love.

I must admit that it isn’t easy, because of all the distance crap, I am continuously learning how to sacrifice, try and try, and just, never stop loving. No matter how hard, not matter how painful.DSC_0218

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