Proximity and Distance

I remember way back in college, a professor told us that in every relationship, distance is important. Two people should neither be too close nor too distant to each other. They should have space for them to grow individually and a certain degree of closeness to maintain their intimacy. Ever since I heard these words from my professor, I knew how important distance was, on how it maintains your selfhood, and how it allows you to become the person you were meant to be. But it all changed when I entered into a long distance relationship. I started to loathe distance (mind you, I used the term loathe, instead of hate just to emphasize my point). I started to curse space, and worse, I started to neglect the importance of time. I know a lot of people who have been in long distance relationships. For some, it worked, but for most, it didn’t. For those that didn’t, they had different reasons, but most of them had trust issues. You know, the typical, “I found someone else who is here,” or “I don’t think this will work, you’re too far away,” or worse, “this distance is just making us grow apart as a couple,” etc., etc… While for those that did, they all had one thing in common: FAITH.

That’s why, I have always been afraid of being in one. I mean, it may sound a cliché, on how I agreed before, on how important distance in a relationship is, but I didn’t mean distance like that. I believe that physical intimacy is important, and when I say physical intimacy, I mean intimacy that doesn’t require the noun bedbut what I am trying to point out here is a kind of relationship where you get to see each other atleast once a week, go on a date, hold hands, hug, kiss, etc.

There is good, bad and I-wish-it-never-existed kinds of distances. The first, the good, is the kind of distance that I was trying to say in the beginning of this post. You know, it’s a kind of distance where it helps you to grow. You can hang out with your friends, or have some ‘me’ time, spend time with the family, and both of you don’t mind because you know you both need some space to grow, and it’s good for both of you. You can do the things you love, while, ofcourse, putting in mind that you are infact in a relationship, so it means not taking for granted the other person, as well as yourself. The good kind of distance is that which makes you, well, you. But sometimes, this kind of distance, where you let yourself be “you” extends to the bad kind of distance.The bad kind of distance is when you let distance take over the relationship. It’s when both of you spend more time with other people than each other, and you forget your relationship. You forget. You forget how the other is important, too, just believing that they’re “just there.” Some people end up here, because, well, they take each other for granted. One of them stops trying, and the other gets tired trying, too. So, they let bad distance eat their relationship up.

The last, the I-wish-it-never-existed kind of distance is for those, who, like me, are left with nothing but FAITH. I say this, because it’s all you can hold on to. Trust is probably a big word, and it’s unfair how you see other couples together, and tell yourself, “hey, why can’t that be me?” I mean, you can be, right? But you chose to be in this kind of position. Why? Because you tell yourself, it’s worth it. It sucks, like, big time, how this kind of distance makes you cry at night sometimes, and also makes you happy in the morning. You’re lucky enough if you’re in the same timezones, but it’s so bad when you aren’t. I mean, you wake up and he’s either at work or just beginning his sleep, isn’t that shitty? This kind of distance, I tell you, is a kind of distance where only a few survive. That is because, this is only for the BRAVE. This is only for those who are called to sacrifice more, trust more, love more and exert more effort than the usual. This is for those who know that faith is something that they eat in the morning and they drink at night. It is kind of unfair, right? But the fact that you chose to be under this kind of distance makes you a strong person. Some people would never understand how you feel, and even though you are very very happy, you can’t help but feel sad sometimes, because you don’t get to see the other personally, taking into consideration how technology works nowadays. But the fact is, in here, you get to appreciate each other even more. You get to appreciate the other person more, especially when you get to see each other again. You try not to fight, you try to make each other happier, because you know that you don’t get to see each other again in a few weeks, months or years. And when you do, you just feel grateful and you do everything to make it worth it. You don’t take each other for granted, because you know that distance does that for you. Some fight for it, while some, give up, because they let distance, once again, eat their relationship, down upto the very crumbs

In every relationship, distance is present. But it’s all upto the both of you on how you handle it. Don’t let the good distance extend to the bad, and, don’t let the I-wish-it-never-existed get to you. Have faith, trust, and never break that trust. And believe, that true love, lasts.

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