In my previous blog posts, I am positive that I admitted that I am a type of person who would always consider what others have to say, to the point of not thinking for myself and in the end, not being happy. It’s unbelievable, how at times, I would tell myself that I have to stand up for what I believe in, and still see myself being controlled by the “outside forces” that would appear to matter more than myself. It’s highly unusual for a girl like me to tell the world of my problems, it’s a stage I already went through and believe me, I don’t ever want to return to. But, most of my really close friends know for a fact that I am type of person who has a soft heart, that can be either touched or crushed easily.
For many instances, I’ve been judged, stereotyped, unwanted, criticized, you name it, that’s me. Well, I bet we all have been there, and some of us are stuck and some are able to come out. And each time I get stuck, I would always tell myself that I shouldn’t let anything get to me, especially when I know I did not do anything wrong, and I am happy with what I have or have done. Yet, I’ve always be insecure. Of my looks, my abilities, on everything. And it sucks to feel this way so many times, especially when it’s because of people I barely know, and who haven’t even met. I’ve been surrounded by smart, beautiful, nice people, that’s why you might think it’s probably unreasonable for me to feel insecure when I am comfortable being with them. Maybe it’s just me, allowing other people, who don’t really matter come to me. Just by looking at them, pretending I know everything about them.
Okay, so isn’t that such a cliché? We appear as if we are the victim, but the truth is we also become monsters ourselves? We judge, because we are being judged, and we want to feel good so we tell ourselves bad things about the other. That’s what insecurity can do: it can turn us into something we don’t ever want to be. Insecurity, it kills.
I think, it’s a matter of knowing what is what and who is who. I have to surround myself with positive people so that I can exhaust positive energy. Either way, I am still very happy, even though sometimes, I feel very unconfident, because I know there are many people who see me, the real me, and who see more the good than the bad. Above all, I have God, who sees me as the most beautiful creature, as if I am the only person in the world.