When I went to the church last Tuesday, I kept on asking God, “why?” I asked Him if I have done something wrong, and if I was being punished. But then, in the middle of me asking, I remember how merciful God is. God doesn’t punish. He’s a loving God who, even if we deserve to be punished, embraces us instead and let’s His love flow. I felt God embracing me while I was crying. He knew exactly what I felt. And He knew exactly how to calm my heart. That was the moment I’ve realized that God will never ever leave me, and even though people would judge me, I don’t really have to care because God’s opinion about me is all that matters.
I’ve always been mindful of what others have to say about me. But the truth is, I don’t really have to care about them. Because they don’t know the real me. They don’t know what’s happening and what happened. I guess, we do that sometimes. Judge a person, without even knowing the real deal. We only listen to ourselves, based on what we have seen, even though we only looked at the right side. But that’s it, we only looked at it, but we didn’t really see. I was reminded that there are two sides of the story, always.
I believe that God is telling me that I should not let myself be beaten up by other’s words. I say “other’s words” because I always believe that people are better than their faults. I don’t really know how to get angry, but I do get hurt. Last night, while I was driving I almost got into an accident because I was out of my mind. Thankfully, I have my sister with me. I was cursing and crying and bursting. But then, I stopped talking and closed my eyes. My sister just listened to me cry. I can sense she was getting mad for me, but we had a good laugh when we saw something really funny. It’s good to know that though bad things happen, people can still laugh. I wanted to fight. I wanted to fight back. But I had to stay calm and compose myself. Each time I want to fight back, I would stop thinking and just pray because I know that God is holding my hand, stopping me to hurt another person. It’s not that I am weak, but it’s just that MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN MY PROBLEMS, than anybody else. Not defending yourself doesn’t mean you’re weak, it only means you believe that fighting will never do anything good. Don’t get me wrong though. I am not perfect. I am not an angel, even. This is who I am. I get hurt, I get irritated, I also judge others but I slap myself each time because I know that I am not God to do so.
Last night, my mother told me something that made me realize that I am very blessed to be a part of a very beautiful family. She reminded me that I am not the kind of person who would give up that easily, as well as the kind who would get even and fight back. She taught me that I always have to be patient and I have to understand, no matter what. I grew up in a family where we were taught to always extend our patience over something, sit down and talk about it. My dad would always remind us to always, always TRY to be the better person. Not that we are saints, but we were just taught that fighting is never a good thing. And I am so happy that God is helping me through this.
I guess, God is just testing my patience. I know that I am growing, and I am becoming wiser.
When God is all you have, you have everything you need.