It’s a little bittersweet. Three days from now, I’ll get to see him again. We’re not talking that much lately. It feels okay, and yet, it also feels unusual. We always talk all the time. But right now I know that the best thing for him to do is to spend time with his family and friends. He told me he’ll be spending some time with his siblings and close friends and I asked him to also bond with his Mom before leaving, because I am sure that she’ll miss him a lot. Plus he won’t be with them during his birthday so I figured he should celebrate with them earlier. He’ll be leaving for Seattle in a few hours and he’ll be turning 21 there. I am really excited. But I am also quite nervous. I don’t know why. Maybe because I don’t know how we will both react when we see each other again after 9 months. It’s pretty scary, but I am hoping that everything will turn out good.
I’ve been feeling a lot more paranoid and a little less of my calm self lately. There is so much happening inside my head and I can’t figure it out. All of them out. I am frightened, I am excited, I am ecstatic, I am melancholic. I don’t know. I am pretty sure this is not PMS because I just finished a few weeks ago. Maybe this is just gravity pulling me down, or maybe this is just me thinking a little bit too much about everything. I’ve been wanting to run away from the world these past few days, yet, something keeps pulling me back. I am not sure what. Maybe it’s the hope that tells me there’s the morning for a new beginning. Or maybe it’s love, telling me that no matter how hard and painful it can become, it can be healed in time. Or maybe, it’s faith. Maybe faith is keeping me in place because it keeps on telling me that no matter how unfair the world is, nothing is impossible and all I have to do really is just to believe. This may all sound really cheesy, but well, apart from the fact that I have a reputation to make (yes, I am a self-proclaimed cheesy/hopeless romantic/sensitive person), I also have faith that can move mountains. Though people tell me that this or that is not possible, I believe in my heart that nothing is. Miracles happen everyday. We just really have to be able to see beyond what the eyes can see and look with our hearts.
I don’t know. So much has happened these past few weeks. I am really thankful for a wonderful family who supports me and loves me no matter what (and for the food trips and late night coffee madness when we all just want to share and talk to each other about our problems). I am also really blessed that God is continuously showing me His never ending generosity. And in three days, he will finally be here with me, so we can embrace each other’s pains away. I guess, that’s really all that matters right now.