Hoping someday…

I’ll breathe again.

There’s so much to ask for for Christmas. But there’s only one thing I really really want to have...

Happiness.

I just want to be happy. No more hatred. No more guilt. No more suffering. No more pain. No more painful tears. No more trouble.

Just plain happiness.

I’ve always loved the Christmas season, because I feel like during this time, even though you have so much in your mind, you can’t help but smile and be happy each time you pass by Christmas lights, hear Christmas songs, and experience the love in every corner.

I know that happiness is how one sees it. Β The people you’re with, the way you feel about yourself, and even the weather– these all affect one’s mood. Sometimes all it takes is just one rain pour and you’re pissed off. But it’s mostly all on you. On how you look at yourself, and in life. I know that I am in a tough road right now. But I just feel really blessed to have a wonderful family who never abandons me, good friends, my wonderful other half, and ofcourse, God.

There is so much pain and hatred in this world. I don’t want to add up to it. And since Christmas is almost there, I have decided to be like Jesus. I will never stop loving until it doesn’t hurt anymore, I will never stop doing good, the right things, I will never stop hoping. I will never stop having faith. I guess when we become hurt, we tend to keep it inside, which makes us unable to forget. What’s funny is that people say “forgive and forget.” But we don’t even understand what forgiveness means. I have learned that in order to forgive, we first must forget. Because we can never forgive a person if we don’t first forget the pain they have caused us. And it’s really funny because I am one of those who can never really get angry, and it sucks because people take advantage of me, knowing that I can never get angry, and I also tend to always be the one to approach the other person because I always believe that pride can never do me good. But I guess, that’s also a gift. god has given me the power to easily forget, so I can forgive. And it’s good for me, because I am able to live my life with happiness and without regrets. Yet, pfcourse, I also know people have their limits. Sometimes I just want to sit down and breathe, especially when there are no more tears running down from my eyes because I have cried it all already.

And right now, I just want to forget everything. I don’t want to remember both the good and the bad times. I just want to feel at peace. I don’t want to think of anything. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to wake-up. Not that I want to die, but I just want to sleep it off and hoping that when I wake up, I am able to start anew. I am able to breathe again.

All I want for Christmas isΒ happiness to breathe again.

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