So much has happened for the past few weeks. It’s crazy. I keep on asking myself what have I done wrong for all of them to happen. And it’s just making me really insane. And it’s making me pray, which I think is good, because I get to really really talk to Him.
I guess we all become misunderstood and also misunderstand sometimes. It’s just hard and sad when you can’t do anything about it but just hope and pray that it’s going to be okay one day. No matter how long it would take, I am willing to wait for everything to fall back into place. In this life I always see myself listening to what others have to say, which is both good and bad at the same time. Good because, atleast you will know where to improve. Bad because it can also break you. I have always been afraid of what others have to say about me, that’s why I tend to use defense mechanism against myself and say that what others have to say really don’t matter. And well, for some instances, it was successful, but there are instances where only closing your eyes and praying are the only ways to get better. And I always look at the other side of the story. As much as possible, I refrain myself from judging another person, especially when I don’t fully know him/her. Because I know that there are always two sides of the story. And that no matter how bad the person has hurt you, he or she is always better than their faults. That maybe, they have their reasons why, just as you have yours. It’s just painful though, because there are days when you just want to save and prove yourself, but you know in your heart there’s no sense to do so because people will always have to say something about you. Either good or bad, people will never stop judging. I, too, admit that sometimes, I tend to stereotype and judge, but I try not to. I have to believe that no matter how seemingly unpleasant a person is, there is still a muscle of humanity inside him or her that I can never disregard. ]
Another thing is also because well, I am a little afraid of change. That is the reason why it’s a little hard for me to not look at the past. I always do. Not really because I “love” to reminisce but because I really want to know what went wrong, and well, try to fix things in the present. But I guess, there are things that are not worth looking back at and even fixing for. It’s so unbearable sometimes that we have to face things, no matter how unpredictable they come. You have to let yourself be surprised and let it either hurt or make the most out of you. And well sometimes, oftentimes, it appears as if it’s going to kill us, when in the end it actually makes us better.
I am afraid of change. But I know that I have to embrace it will all my heart to be able to move forward, and though things are not going be the same, I know that maybe one day, it will all be even better that it is today.