9 years ago, I attended a Youth Camp for the 2nd time in Youth for Christ. In the first talk, we were asked to write our “crazy” dreams– dreams we think are impossible to happen because of many reasons. Others’ dreams were “I want to be a rock star” or “I wish to be a doctor someday” and well, some others I really can’t remember anymore. But I still remember mine upto this day. I had two.
The first one goes like this: I want to become a wife and a mother. Have a husband and kids and just have a happy family.
It’s not even that impossible, right? But I wrote it there and back then I didn’t know why. Maybe because those were the times I felt alone and unloved. You know, I bet we all had that time of our lives, always feeling miserable and thinking that nobody loved us… like being an emo. Yeah, I was that time. I felt left out and just plain nothing. I didn’t even think my family loves me, and I felt really ugly because I was an obese back then. It was really crazyyyy. I was crazy. I was insane to become that girl who carried the world around her shoulders. It took years before I became mature and appreciate everything in life. It took many years before I realize that for me to feel loved, I should first acknowledge God’s love and well, share that love.
My second crazy dream was to see God, face-to-face. Touch Him, hold Him, look at Him, embrace Him and personally thank and talk to Him.
Now, that’s impossible, right? That was one crazy dream. Maybe they thought I wanted to die because that was the only way for that dream to come true. But that wasn’t why. I wrote it there because that really is my dream. I have always wanted to see Him, ask Him questions and just have a conversation with Him.
Those were my two crazy dreams. Super crazy, huh? I’ve always wanted to become a writer, I could’ve written “Publish my books and become a New York Times Bestseller.” But I didn’t. I have thought of becoming a mother more impossible than becoming a writer. I have dreamed of meeting God face to face than wanting to become rich. Maybe that time we were asked our crazy dreams I was just not thinking right, or I had reasons why I have thought of writing those two.
But, I think, the real reason why is because they’re really what I want to become and have. I really want to be a mother and be called his wife. I want to be married to the person God has prepared for me. Do everything with him. Wake up next to him, pray together, eat together, travel together. I want to stay inlove with him for the rest of my life, and him to still choose me everyday, still love me, only me, until his very last breath. I want a love that can break standards, that is willing to cross the oceans and to risk it all. I want children. Lots of children. I want to be called mom, mum, mommy, nanay, mama. I want to be a mother who will carry her children, pick them up when they fall, kiss their bubu, watch every soccer game, voice recital, etc. I want to have a beautiful family. A family like mine, or even better than ours. A family like ours that prays and eats together. A family that will stick together no matter what. I just want to have a family, my dream. To have a family that is centered on God. A family that I will be proud to have. I am happy that I have met the One, God’s gift to me. I know soon enough, it will not be me and him anymore, it will be… Us or we, together with our cute chubby children.
My second crazy dream, I have realized, I have already had ever since the day I became a Catholic. God is always here, with me, with us. He has many faces, though, that’s why it’s hard to tell. But that’s the beauty of it, God can only be felt by those who are willing to feel and see the unknown. I have embraced Him, the moment I said “yes” to Him, I have already accepted Him and His generosity. I don’t really need to explain this, but right now, I feel like I have already met Him! Long before I was born. How’s that possible, you might ask…
He’s here, inside my heart, body, mind and soul… All this time.
One day, it will all perfectly fall into place, I’d have every crazy and normal dreams in my hands. Nothing is impossible.
Those are my crazy dreams, what are yours?