This morning when I heard mass, the priest asked us what scares us. And there was only one thing in my mind. Believe it or not, I think it’s already happening right at this very moment.

My eyes are tired of crying but I feel like crying even more because it’s the only way to feel better, and yet it still is not enough to take away all the pain. I just feel like there is a monster inside me, eating me from the inside, which is more painful. It’s just all fucked up. I am all fucked up. I don’t even know what I am doing. I don’t even know how this will finish. But I’ve been praying so hard since I woke up.

I just feel worthless right now. Like I am not worth the fight.


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