I guess we all have that moment when we think of all the good things we want to have, the beautiful memories we would want to cherish, and the perfect people we wish to be with. And, as for me, those ironies in life are starting to fill me up and pinch my undoubtedly soft core. I just want to fall free and wish life would be perfect and yet I don’t really want to. Yes, such a cliche, it is, but I think that’s how we all want to live life… perfectly. And yet, we know in ourselves that it’s just truly impossible.
I don’t know if this is all because of my hormones (if you know what I mean), but nevertheless, I feel like blogging because I can’t help but feel this melancholy and well be as poetic as I can be since no perfect words can describe exactly how I am feeling at this very moment.
To tell you quite frankly, I just wish that all the impossible things be possible. Like for example, I wish that I could fly and see him in an instant. Maybe it’s just me, missing him so much that is making me feel this way. It’ll be 6 months on Monday. Six months of us not seeing each other (well, we do see each other, on the contrary, this seeing I mean REALLY seeing not with that stupid iPhone), not holding each other, not being able to feel the warmth of the other’s embrace, and well, funny as it may sound, not having experienced each other’s kisses. Well, we never even had the chance to really kiss when he came home. We only have this “iPhone kisses” as my brother would call it. It sucks, big time. I feel like saying all the bad things to say in the dictionary, even the ones not in it. I’ve tried uttering all the possible bad words I know, from shit to fuck, tae to putang ina, just to make me feel okay but non of them made me feel better. No, not unless I say the words, “Thank You, God. I know that this will all be worth it.” An irony again, huh? Me feeling all the bad things I am supposed to feel and yet, thanking is the only thing that makes me feel relieved.
Well, I don’t know why, but despite of all the shitty things I am feeling right now, I still feel blessed, well, I actually feel even more blessed than annoyed, because I have never been so happy my whole life. That’s why it sucks that I can’t physically be with him. And it hurts me so bad because that’s the only thing I wish right now. To be held by him, to touch him and to be able to kiss him for the first time. To be with him. Just… to be with him. That’s all I wish. I just want to be with him right now and feel him. And I am so jealous and insecure and gush I just want to hold him.
Shit. emo k0.