It’ll be 5 months on the 24th. 5 months of us not being physically together. And it makes me really sad because this is our set-up. You being so far away from me makes me really sad because I want to hold your hand, hug you and kiss you. Not to mention that being in different timezones sucks. You say “good night!” to me while I say “good morning!” to you. I hate it. I hate it so badly. I even told myself I would NEVER ever be in a long distance relationship because I am a type of person who is always longing for physical presence and well, “magical” caresses (don’t over think that phrase please). An “LDR” or a Long Distance Relationship for me was just, impossible. But I guess, that’s how love pierces us. It makes anything, no… EVERYTHING possible. You do the things you promised yourself you would never do, and you say the words you swore you would never utter.
I actually had my life after college planned out. I would apply for graduate school abroad, or maybe if I would be given a scholarship here, then have it here. But I guess our plans are nothing compared to what God has planned for you. And well, maybe he planned all of this– you coming home and us being together. I have never even thought that I would be this inlove with you now. I don’t know what got in to me, or maybe I already had “something” for you ever since, I just didn’t want to believe in it. I’ve been in a bad relationship, always being the one trying. I did everything to impress him, and hoped that he would appreciate me one day. But, going back, I think he never did. I don’t know. I don’t care, really. All I think of now is you and our future together.
All I ever wanted was someone to accept me for who I am and to love me with all of me, including my imperfections. And surprisingly, you did. You told me I was beautiful when I saw myself ugly, you never called me fat when I have always seen myself that. You told me I don’t need to wear make-up because I already look good. You told me I am smart while I see myself only an average. You told me I am perfect, and that I am everything you’ve always wanted, when I am always insecure of myself. You don’t just say or promise me things, but you act on them. Hindi ka puro salita. You make me always believe that even though there’s too much shit in this world, I can trust you, because you will never lie to me. You tell me honestly when I am being a pain in the ass and how I can irritate you sometimes, but at the end of it all, you wouldn’t let 24 hours pass by without telling me that you love me and you can’t lose me.
The truth is, I can’t lose you, too. I just can’t. We’ve been through many things. I don’t know why but I feel like the 5 months were 5 years already. Is that how love really is? I don’t know, but each time I think of you I just can’t help but thank God for answering my prayers. You are an answered prayer. You would always say sorry even though it’s my fault and I can feel how much you really love me. I am so freaking scared that other girls might be flirting with you or whatever. Paranoid even that you are not being honest on your whereabouts or activities but I slap myself and say, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Just TRUST him, and Him.” So, sorry for those times, I just really love you that I can’t help but think I might lose you in a snap.
I don’t know why I suddenly thought of writing this, but I just want you to know, that I love you so much. And I can’t think of being with anyone else but you. I know, I believe, that it’s you that I have long been praying and waiting for. I will spend the rest of my life with you. I will grow old with you. Thank you for everything, for not giving up on me. For waiting. For loving me. Thank you. I love you so much, forever.