Last night, one of my sisters in YFC who is also in a long distance relationship told me that she will be ending the set-up. Not “end” it like breaking-up, but she will be “ending it” in finally cutting the distance. I felt really happy for her, because she said that it’s been six years, and so finally, it’s their time to be together. I am really very happy for her, at the same time, it gave me hope that one day, Ivan and I will also be together in the same country, same day, and same timezone.
But, not just yet.
Being in a long distance relationship sucks like hell. It makes you crazy. Well, it makes me crazy. I have vowed that I will never be in one, and here I am. Why? Because when you find someone you can love, you can’t let them get away. Though I know that this will be very hard, I still took the risk because every time I pray, God just affirms me that he is the one that I have long been praying and waiting for.
I am envious of those who get to see their loved one atleast every month. I mean, atleast, you get to spend some time together. Unlike being in this kind of relationship, where you get to spend time with your laptop or phone. It’s sad, I know it is. And there are days when I just want to cry and sleep and not wake up yet; no, not until I get to see him again, hold him and kiss him. I am really a very paranoid person, too. I get cranky when the other person does not reply as soon as possible, and I notice every tiny detail, like the way he talks to me, on how it can change from being sweet to being cold, as well as with the way he talks to others. I get jealous so easily and I think the distance makes it harder because you really have nothing else but TRUST. And as a friend told me that trust is fragile, you become fragile, too. You cry easily, you get angry easily, you get happy easily, and you get jealous easily.
Don’t get me wrong though. You guys might think I am not happy anymore. The truth is, I’ve never been happier my whole life. Being with him is just amazing, you know, being loved by him. He is literally everything I’ve prayed for. He makes me happy, everyday. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful girl in the world. Though it might hurt him, he lets me go out and do the things I want. He let me have this job that I
thought wanted even though he never approved of it in the first place (and I should have listened). He was exactly this person that I always wanted to be with. And, damn, as perfect as he is, I can’t help but get jealous or be frightened sometimes… no most of the time. But I just have to trust him, because that is all I can do.
It’s so freakin’ hard. AND I MEAN SO FREAKING HARD. But I am not giving up. No, I will never give up. No matter how hard it is, I will keep holding on, because I know that we will get through this, that after all this pain of being away from each other, we will be happy, very happy, because I can finally wake up in the morning, next to him. I am hoping and praying that one day, I can hold, touch and feel him every single day of my life. I know and believe I will. One day, we will finally get to say “good morning!” and “good night!” at the same time. One day, we will be walking on the same land, swim on the same ocean and sleep on the same night. I know we will. I am never giving up on him, no, not on us.
It’s so hard. Very hard. But I know that all the pain in waiting will be worth it. All the tears that I’ve cried will be replaced by smiles that would light up my whole day. It’s hard, I know. But you know what? I am not giving up because I know that we’re in this together, and we have God preparing both of us and our future.
Nothing is impossible. I know nothing is. All the pain will be worth it. ;’)
I love you so much, Lorenz Ivan Zaguirre, forever and forever. I am yours. I swear. I will wait for you. I will wait for the day that you finally tell me, “Let’s go baby, let’s go home.”