When you’re afraid.

I am scared. Of so many things. I am scared of what’s ahead of me. Now that I am officially a bum, I don’t know where to go. I want to help my parents. I want to get a good-paying job and maybe continue to graduate school with a scholarship. I won’t study again unless I get a scholarship. I can’t ask my parents to pay for my graduate school anymore. They’ve done enough already. I want to be the one to give them everything they need and want. I want to return it to them already. Then maybe, it should wait then. I just hope I’d get a job that could help my parents and at the same time, something that I love to do. I’ve passed a couple of resumes, but nothing. I am praying, but it seems that it’s not yet my time… I guess? I dunno. I am losing hope, actually. I just don’t want to show it. I am acting all positive and everything, but it’s just so difficult not to be sad about it. Here in the Philippines, it’s so hard to get a job. My brother told me that I won’t get a god job unless I become a lawyer, a doctor or get an MA. I don’t know what to do.

Ugh. I hate this feeling. Of not doing anything. Of waiting for something I am not sure if coming. Nevertheless, I don’t want to stop praying. I am close to losing hope, but I am not letting go. No, I won’t.

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