Scary.

I’ve been praying for so many years for me to meet that one person that God has long been preparing for me. There were times that I cried because I felt like I wasn’t receiving what I deserved. But I was wrong. I’ve realized that when you love, you love. You don’t expect anything back. We become hurt the moment we expect something in return. What I’ve learned in loving is that, you never get what you deserve. You give more than what you can give. You surprise yourself. All my life, I have never stopped loving, no matter how hard, no matter how painful. Atleast, I know that I am loving. Because they say that when you feel tired and hurt, then it means that you really are working, that you really are loving. The moment that you become scared because you might lose yourself, that self that you have long been protecting, means you really are loving. When you feel afraid, then it means you are really risking everything you could risk. And I am scared.

I have always put up a strong personality. I always try to project a smiling face, even though deep inside, I am dying. There were many times that I felt like giving up, but I just keep telling myself that everything will eventually fall into place. I am scared. But I know that one day, all I would feel is peace.

Earlier today, the “sign” I’v been praying for happened. It was so unexpected. I felt scared. MORE afraid. It’s like I felt happy and yet, it felt scary. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even know what to feel anymore. I have to let it go. I have to surrender it all to Him.

I am scared. But deep inside of me, I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

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