Not letting me go.
Yesterday, we had our 2nd household for the year (as for my case, it was my first. :p). We were asked to complete the sentence, “I want to thank God for…” and that was my answer, for not letting me go.
For the past few months, I have been pressuring myself into graduating with honors. I told myself that it will be Laude or nothing. Instead of being motivated, I got scared. Fear ate my whole body. I started to get more afraid, and I end up not giving my all in my studies. I have realized that fear has brought me into my own defeat. I was pressuring myself, and indeed, it was really challenging. Not because other people are better than you, but you yourself are putting all the pressure in your head that you end up competing not just with others, but with yourself as well. That moment then, I’ve realized that there’s nothing I should worry about. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone! What’s important is that I have given my all, and with or without honors, no regrets. I have realized that when you really REALLY want something, you not only give your best, you give your all. It may sound ironic, but it’s true. Sometimes, we forget the little things because we only focus on what’s best. We forget that the small things count, too. Not realizing that sometimes, when put all together, they’re bigger than the best. That’s why I told myself that I will not only give my best, but I would give my all. Everything. All of me. The good, the bad. The big, the small. All of it. All of me.
So, I want to thank God for not letting me go. Because there were many moments that I was the one who have let go, and yet, I still did not fall. Why? Because He never had let me go. I know He never will. What’s strange is that, from pressuring myself, I have lost myself. I have become complacent, conceited and passive. Instead of being more humble and pleasing, I became the opposite. It was embarrassing. There were even times that I stopped praying. Kadiri.
Even though I am like this, I know that God would still hold me in His arms, and He will never let me go.
And I will never be the same again.