I am one of those persons who find it so hard to express my feelings in saying them. Instead, I always end up writing, either to the person I am not in good terms with or to God, and often, I turn to blogging. In any way, each time I write, I end up feeling okay after feeling all the pain inside. Okay, but not complete, because I know that though writing helps me in forgetting and forgiving, I still have to face the tragic experiences in reality and not in writing.
Emmanuel Levinas taught me that it is through narrating that I am able to overcome these traumatic experiences. Though it’s also painful in retelling every bit of my story, it does help. It helps in forgetting. Ironic as it may sound, I think that narrating is a paradox. As you remember and tell the story, you are able to forget and let the bitterness out of your heart. It is through remembering that one is able to forget. I don’t know why, but I find this true. Because the more that we run away, the closer the monster is in us. There are moments that we have to remember just to forget as much as there are times we have to face our nightmares in order to see our dreams clearly. And for it to be more clear, we have to be brave to tell our story, because it is in telling our story that we are able to overcome the fear. It is like fighting without having to hurt someone else (for as long as we are narrating the truth ofcourse!). Though at some point, we have to hurt ourselves, we will realize that eventually, it will all be over. We realize that remembering and retelling our story enable us to forget. For the more that we hide from it, the longer the pain will be in our hearts.
Oh, wordpress, please help me forget.