After some time, I went to the Chapel again. This time, I went not just because I want to, but because I felt that I needed to. I went with a friend, and to my surprise, my plan to let it all out there did not happen.
While we were on our way, at the back of my mind, there was only one thing I have thought of, and that is to cry. I have never felt so scared my whole life. It was a disturbing feeling of fright. I had in me a feeling of uncertainty. What if I won’t graduate? What will other people say? But then, I have constantly been teaching myself to not care anymore. Many people have noticed that I am not as “pleasing” as I was. It’s not because I really want to, but it’s because I felt that I need to. I have to stop caring what other people think and say about me. I have realized that it causes me to fear more and sometimes, even hate myself. I have realized that what people have to say doesn’t really matter. What matters is what I have to say about myself, and more importantly, what God has to say about me. What people think and say about me will never last. It will be just for a moment. But what I think about myself? It will last until my last breath. What God thinks about me? It will stick through eternity. I have learned that not caring at all is not that bad, especially if it will be for your good. And if you’re good, then maybe you can bring back the goodness you feel by also making others feel good, too.
I have learned that in order for one to realize that she is brave, she first has to feel frightened of her world. People need not like me, and I just really need to be brave to face them. They can’t say things infront of my face, then I will be the one brave for them. I will be the one to look at them in the eye and say, “There is.” There is fear, but there is also definitely courage.
The truth behind this post? I am really angry. Kaya malabo. Kaya magulo. KASI GALIT AKO.