And as I’ve said in my previous post, there will be a part two for my New Year’s blog post. So here it is.
In my previous post, I’ve told some events that happened the previous year. It was quite a challenging year because of everything I have experienced. I’ve almost lost hope on everything. For some reason, I stopped reading the Bible everyday, and there were even days that I also stopped talking to God. I literally almost lost hope. Almost, because each time I have attempted to let go, Someone up there never gave up on me and held me so tight that even if I’d let go I still wouldn’t fall. There were many moments last year when I was left alone crying, all by myself. There were times that while I was walking to and from the UST Chapel, tears were falling from my eyes, because of all the pain I was feeling inside. I have not been brave enough to show what and how I really feel. Because of this, the pain grew and hurt me even more. Those moments made me realize that it’s okay not to be okay. That I shouldn’t always be pretending, that I shouldn’t always care what others would think. I have learned to tell myself that it really is okay, and if isn’t, then it will be.
It was also the past year that I have learned how to love myself. I have forgotten how it was to take care of myself, because I had been too busy making other people feel loved and appreciated. I have forgotten how it was to feel loved and appreciated, because I have forgotten that I was a princess of God. Because of this, I have learned how to Protect myself from other people, and most importantly, I have realized that what other people had to say is not important at all. But what you think and what you say about yourself is– for as long as you are happy and that you are not causing any other pain, you’re good.
But the most important thing I’ve learned, well re-learned actually was to let go and let God. As I have forgotten to love myself, I also forgot that God’s plans are always better than my dreams. All the bitterness had taken over my heart that I had forgotten all the good things that had happened, I have forgotten that above all the miseries, I am still blessed and loved. But as soon as I started to let go, and stopped thinking what others had to say, I have learned to listen to my heart, because I knew that it is in the heart where God speaks the loudest. I have learned that it is when you listen to your heart that you experience peace. And truly, the day that I have started to stop trying too hard to change the things that I can’t, the day that I started to let go again was the day I have experienced peace, was the day I have realized how blessed I truly was. The day that I have re-learned to let go again, was the day I have felt that I was not alone, that I was never alone.
As I have said in my blogpost last year; letting go does not always mean giving up. Most of the time, to let go means you are brave enough to believe that you are better than what you thought was worth it, that you deserve more than what you have been holding on to. Letting go means there is something better to be grasped. It never meant you are too weak or too stupid to keep something, it actually shows that you are stronger, and better than all the drama, all the lies– that you deserve better, if not, the best.
To top this blogpost, I will quote two of the greatest philosophers I have ever met. I have already quoted these in my previous posts, but it says so much about my year that I had to emphasize:
“The tighter you embrace the Other, the more that you realize you are separated.”- Dr. Leovino Ma. Garcia
“It’s not about clinging to something or someone. It’s about clinging NO MORE.”- Fr. Rolando V. Dela Rosa, O.P.
So, for a new year, which I can feel will be my year, 2012, welcome and please, be good to me! Thank You, Father God, for preparing me last year for this year. I know in my heart that all I have to be is hopeful, prayerful, and loving. Everything happens for a reason. For when God says ‘NO’ to something, He says ‘YES’ to something BETTER.
Always, Let Go[D].
Happy new year! Godbless us all!