It’s the last friday of the year, and here I am sitting in a coffee shop reading something I used to love. Yes, I used to really love reading Levinas’ philosophy, but right now, I feel like the classics are calling me. I love reading, but, this time, I find myself thirsting for fiction books, and not philosophy books. No, not anymore.
I have made my decision. I really want to continue writing. Not Philosophy, but Fiction. I want people to see the real from the surreal. I want myself to see the real from the surreal. I just really can’t believe myself actually wanting to blog more than read books for school. I am actually quite pissed at myself, because here I am, a graduating philosophy major student from one of the best universities in my country and yet, I don’t feel like I am in the right course. I mean, ofcourse, I really used to love philosophy, as I’ve kept on saying from the start of this post, but right now, I just see myself happier in writing short stories, poems, blogging. I am frightened by this actually, because of my constant battle with philosophy, I can’t seem to finish reading an article for my thesis. This is bad! For, as all of us know, one cannot graduate without finishing her thesis. And here I am, not interested at all, even though my thesis topic is such an interesting plot to expound on.
So as to not make myself more frightened, I just turn to writing for therapy. Even if it’s philosophical or fiction, I just tell myself that, no matter what, for as long as I am writing, then I am good. So, I am just channeling my disinterestedness in philosophy to my romance for writing. That is my solution to this very big problem. And, as soon as I graduate, I will apply for scholarship to have my Masters in Creative Writing in any school available. I swear, I CAN’T WAIT TO FOCUS ON WRITING FICTION!
I know I seem to be weird about this, because philosophy and writing come hand in hand, but I just feel… Alive whenever I write a name and tell his or her story through my writing, not a philosophical understanding on something. Blah blah.
The last friday of 2011, I have thought of becoming one of the best novelists the world will ever know. I don’t want to create my own school of thought, nor do I want to follow the footsteps of my professors and Levinas. All I really want is to make people see how amazing the world is through the stories I have in my head that they will soon be reading in the future.